Today I ate Muktuk. Our church secretary is a Yupik Eskimo. She brought it for me to eat. After saying something over me in Yupik, she explained that I had to eat it since I was a white man in the Eskimo land. She explained that Muktuk is Bow Head Whale blubber. Then she pulled out a jar of seal oil, which I was supposed to dip the Muktuk in. After eating a generous portion out of respect, I felt it prudent to inform my friends and family that if you ever find yourself hopelessly lost, starved from hunger and in the clutches of certain death and all that you find to eat is Muktuk dipped in Seal Oil, do yourself a HUGE favor and die. Death is a temporary passage into another life, which I believe is a better place to be anyway, if one has lived according to the Holy scriptures. Muktuk on the other hand, seeps like poison into the lining of your mouth and won’t leave. Ever. I’ve swallowed a can of Altoids, eaten raw limes, spoons full of sour cream, drank milk, coke, water and tea. I still taste Muktuk. It will not go away. I will gnaw off my own leg before I eat Muktuk again.
Still, I feel one with the land now, and I smell like a whale dipped in seal excretion.
Rob “muktuk suck” Rucci